gem

RESPECT

2012-01-17T20:59:00.000-08:00

I started blogging in 2005.
Here is one of my first articles:

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Years ago I heard about a master who decided to have his slave crawl into the local leather bar behind him on a leash. As they entered the room, someone bent over and gave the slave a swat on his ass. The man immediately stood up, and hit the offender, then got back down on all fours and proceeded to follow his master. (The slave had been told to defend himself, when necessary).

I don’t know if that’s a true story, however there is truth in it. The following story actually happened: I was attending a party as a collared slave and was in the men’s restroom. For some reason there were no paper towels and some guy asked me if he could wipe his hands on my shirt. Fortunately I had been trained enough to know how to respond: I told him he would have to ask my master. I didn’t see the guy again.

Women have to deal with sexual harassment even more than men and this can seem more complicated with a leather lifestyle. Some people use dominance as an excuse for touching and talking to others in ways that are offensive and invasive. Those dominants who are truly respected in our community are those who treat others with true respect.

Less experienced people sometimes do not realize that the roles we play with each other do not necessarily extend to them as well. In other words, submissives choose to whom they will surrender, and to whom they will not. Yes, there are slaves who are deferential to everyone, but this is usually because of an understanding between them and their masters. Instead of treating all slaves as inferior, it may be better to consider them as willing volunteers who wish to honor those whom they serve.

Submissives can sometimes have similar challenges. For years I was incredibly nervous whenever I was in the presence of dominants, even though they really had no power over me. The lines between imagination and reality can blur, especially when there’s a lot of leather nearby!

There was one particular dominant I really wanted to know better, but I could never think of anything more profound than “Yes, Ma’am”, which was very frustrating. Finally one evening I decided not to worry about it anymore; instead I would just relate to her as normal person. We enjoyed a delightful conversation!

Most Americans want to be treated with respect no matter what our social, spiritual, economic, or political preferences are. This is also true within the leather community. Regardless of our lifestyle, whether we choose to enjoy some stylized form of high protocol with people we know or whether we prefer to socialize in more informal ways, we have all made consensual choices, and deserve to be equally respected for our courage, our strength, and our powerful passions!

Languages

2010-10-01T08:13:00.000-07:00

The language is leather. The language is surrender or dominance. The language may be fetish or protocol or bondage or pain. We have many languages and yet most of us are wanting the similar experiences with each other: love, pleasure, sustenance.

People in the BDSM lifestyle may think of themselves as being apart from vanilla relationships. We often speak and dress and behave differently, and yet it is only our language, not our spirit. Most people hope to love and be loved, hope for meaning and affection with trusted companions.

Leather Rights!

2009-04-27T18:18:00.000-07:00

In 1981, a Danish writer named Maria Marcus published a brave book entitled "A Taste for Pain". Her dedication includes the following passage:

Germaine Greer was in Cogenhagen in 1972 and a meeting was held at which she addressed and talked with Danish women. The atmosphere in the hall was highly spirited and optimistic, when suddenly a young woman cried out with desperation in her voice: "But how can we start a women's movement, when I bet three-quarters of us sitting in this room are masochists?"

- - - - - - - -

Thanks to the world wide web, more people know about S&M (and its many variations) than in past decades, although the mainstream press often continues to exploit this experience as shameful or at least shockingly sensational. Those who appreciate the positive aspects of S&M also understand the hypocrisy of the press, but can do little to allay its negative influence on people.

As Americans we live in a liberated time where sexual discrimination is against the law, however the struggle for sexual acceptance doesn't stop there. Just because S&M is more publicized does not mean that it is more accepted. Discrimination can be quite subtle. Social bias is not against the law and is very challenging to overcome.

The gay community has been much more assertive for their rights than the S&M community and have accomplished much more. Rightly so. Their courageous solidarity is admirable. While the S&M community is fairly strong within itself, our relationship with the outside world remains precarious.

It is difficult to imagine a band of masochists marching down Congress Avenue with black & blue flags shouting for submissive respect! Sensual sadists would also find it difficult to do so. And yet, how healthy it would be if leather love was affectionately accepted by society!

SERVING OTHERS

2008-11-09T12:47:00.000-08:00

"You gotta serve somebody." - Bob Dylan

i have been privileged to serve many people in my life
whether they have been teachers, employers, friends, or
strangers. "Let me help" is one way of saying "I love you"
to paraphrase a quote from "City on the Edge of Forever".
i have also served people as a leader of social groups.
Service to others is a form of ministry. It is a natural
progression into a personal Dominant/submissive
(D/s) relationship.

i have been privileged to serve in past D/s relationships.
The duties of service included light housekeeping (dishes,
bathrooms, sweeping, taking out the trash), attending
social functions (theatre, concerts, movies, parties),
bathing, giving massages, washing the car, gardening,
going to the grocery, running errands, and serving a
s traveling companions. These duties varied according
to the individuals being served.

The feelings of pleasing Someone can include euphoria,
satisfaction, and deep contentment. Disappointing or
displeasing Someone can feel scary or sad. Being a source
of Someone's happiness is a source of my happiness.

THUNDER

2008-04-04T17:41:00.000-07:00

It is the nature of leather communities to enjoy gatherings
known as events (or runs) - at least for the last 20 years
or so. They tend to be organized in a very standard fashion:
meeting rooms are reserved at some hotel with a space for
vendors to sell their fetish wares. Various speakers are
featured, whether local or national, and there are usually
some other activities in the evenings. That has been
my limited experience, at least.

The first event that i was invited to attend was "Living In
Leather" - a national event that was held in a different
city each year. The first event i actually attended was
"Texas Leather Pride" (TLP) back in '97 and in '98,
in Austin. i later attended South Plains in Dallas
a couple of times.

This year i made the pilgrimage to "Thunder In the Mountains"
in Denver, Colorado - one of the great events in America.
This was the 10th Thunder gathering and over 1000 people
attended. There were also many excellent speakers including
Laura Antoniou, Gloria Brame, Mark Frazier, Skip Chasey,
Midori, Larry Townsend and Cléo Dubois to name about half.
And on Friday and Saturday evenings there were 4 dungeons!
There were also parties after Thunder on Sunday evening.

Below are some of my journal notes from the presentations
i attended:

LAURA ANTONIOU talked about service. She defined
Service as Intent + Execution. It is an Attitude, a Verb,
and a Vocation. Labor is not demeaning though it
it can be demanding.

The attitude of good service means that you actually
CARE about what you're doing and it may be helpful
to remember that your service can relieve Someone's
time and energy.

You must take care of yourself so that you can take
care of others - you must have energy, sanity, and
health. Good tops may help you with this, but you
must be responsible for yourself.

Good tops provide: inspiration, direction, a reason
(even if it is only "to please them") and rewards -
whether verbal or physical. They can also provide
correction and redemption.

What service can do for those who serve: provides a
purpose, a sense of value, and it can feel good being
helpful. A good servant can be a role model for
others and can nurture a relationship.

Service is putting Someone else first - though you are
also important. Service is work and it is devotion.

GLORIA BRAME talked about ways the community has
understood itself via role models and myths. She also
talked about our current generation (ages 25 to 75),
and how our lifestyle now will set the tone for those
to come.

Vanilla is a consenual lifestyle with a prescribed way
of living and having sex, i.e. for reproduction. The
SM culture is more than ourselves. It is not just
an add-on. SM can be a role model for higher
level of commitment.

Be wary about trying to live up to a standard.
Religious standards, political standards, group
standards, etc. You don't have to define yourself
by other people's experiences. This is about being
who you are and being true to yourself.

SM is a personal experience and can be non-conformist.
It can be a life of sexual anarchy based on self-interest,
partner-interest, and mutual sex gratification.

Master SKIP CHASEY has the following understanding
of leather relationships:
1. Top & bottom - a physical relationship
2. Dominant & submissive - a mental relationship
3. Master & slave - a spiritual relationship

The focus of his discussion was on the latter. He
talked about the essential elements of a Master/slave
relationship: Trust, Obedience, and Surrender - and
how each one builds into the other.

i think he talked about how the Master directs the
slave's actions and therefore deserves the credit (or
criticism) for the results. The slave can take pride
in trying to do their best, but the result of the
slave's effort belongs to the Master.

In another presentation, he discussed the power
of fetishes; knowing what arouses a slave, a Master
can expand the slave's limits and reinforce their
devotion to obedience. These fetishes can also
enhance the Master's dominance and personal
pleasure.

* * * * *

i was fortunate to be the guest of a local dominant who
graciously introduced me to a number of her friends
at Thunder in the Mountains. The entire experience
was very enriching, energizing, and enjoyable.

QUESTIONS

2007-09-08T18:07:00.000-07:00

Do you hear a grunting sound
of something in the night?
Perhaps a slave is snuggly bound
and groaning with delight.

Do you see the an object moving
somewhere in the dark?
A slender cane is proving
that its aim can find its mark.

Do you smell strong leather
as it holds a heat within?
A mesmerizing tether
that dominates the skin.

Do you feel all senses thrive
when our passions are alive?

RELATIONSHIP as VOCATION

2007-06-26T03:43:00.000-07:00

People pursue many careers, many passions - many do so
without any specific plan while others pursue them
with a concerted effort. Diligence. Strategy. Goals.
What if we sought Relationships with such dedication?

Imagine creating a résumé for a Relationship position, listing
all of the skills and experiences that might qualify you for
the position you hope to secure? Attributes. Experience.
Training. References. Contact information.

Imagine applying for a Relationship for the purpose of learning
what duties would be expected, and how it would be rewarded.
Imagine the interview process - what would you say?
How would you offer yourself to another?

Imagine having a Relationship based on this understanding,
one with clear expectations and requirements, one which
would continue as long as the criteria was met, or be
terminated if one's performance was unsatisfactory?

We seek meaning in our lives. We seek expression.
We seek gainful employment and a place to live.
We seek nourishment and enjoyable experiences.
What if Relationships embodied what we seek?

DIRECTIONS

2007-05-24T06:30:00.000-07:00

I gaze up, then head bent down
lest You graze me with a frown
as I kneel upon Your floor.

Glancing north and glancing south -
silent prayer, an open mouth
for the One whom I adore.

You look east and You look west
determining which way is best.
Goddess, guide me, I implore!

Many paths and points of view -
please just tell me what to do!

gem

LEATHER

2007-02-06T12:14:00.000-08:00

The following words are from a book entitled "Hard Corps: Studies in Leather & Sadomasochism" written by the late Michael Grumley.

People wear leather for many reasons, and not all of them involve the enactment of SM psychodrama - there is surface leather and deep leather, real leather and patent. But generally the word leather evokes the use of force in a sexual situation.

Leather doesn't necessarily presuppose SM, nor does SM involvement always presuppose leather. The two areas overlap to a large degree but there are margins of exclusivity on the side of each.

Leather pairing depends on the process of individualized selection, just as any pattern of pairing does. The individualization soon leads to a parttern of highly ritualized role playing, but the inital give and take is one-to-one, complex psyche to complex psyche.

The leather that men and women give each other is more potent for them than any leather bought off the rack. The leather conspiracy ties donor and recipient together in what is essentially a pattern of bonding. Bonding is saying these are the rules, this is the vocabulary.

Men and women of leather are as a group probably neither brighter nor duller than any other random group of individuals, but because innovation within a pattern of coded rules is the means to erotic arousal, imaginative use of innovation seems to have a high value.

Leather crosses class boundaries, from the trailer camp to the auction house on Madison Avenue. Leather can attract an obsessive personality, and give it a sense of order. Someone may be attracted to it before he or she knows whether masochism or sadism will be his or her major stance.

Fetishism and leather ritual and display are means of grafting onto oneself a certain amount of sexual power. SM is also a means of acquiring power by giving it up.

Leather garments and leather instruments act as erotic sponges, soaking up and holding erotic power.

Mutual Art

2007-01-06T19:06:00.000-08:00

What is a Master without a slave? What is a slave without a Master? Independent. Incomplete.

It is my personal belief that the best D/s relationship is a mutual effort. Both sides invested in the dynamic. i liken it to Art. The Dominant is the artist, the submissive is the canvas, and together they strive to create something beautiful.

It takes two (or more) to create a condition of affectionate slavery. Those who wish to be served AND those who wish to serve - can provide an artistic pallet for each other's desires.

A good slave is devoted to its Master and a good Master cares for the slave. However their relationship is also transcendent: each one dedicated to what is best for both.

HAIKU

2006-09-25T19:47:00.000-07:00

Beat me! i'm a drum
for the rhythm of your thumb -
together we hum!

gem

Words From 30 Years Ago

2006-05-19T18:32:00.000-07:00

In the mid-1970's an advice column in Playboy magazine referred to submissives as victims, and concluded that "the master and slave roles are devoid of personality. Pleasure is uncertain, pain guaranteed. A sadist never asks his partner if she came or, for that matter, if it hurt. We'd advise caution: these situations have been known to backlash."

A charter member of The Eulenspiegel Society responded to these comments with a letter to Penthouse Variations, and in doing so, provided a public affirmation of consensual S&M practices. The following excerpts are from that original response 30 years ago:

"In the Playboy Advisor, you tackled an inquiry from a couple who are groping with their inclination toward S&M and whose apologetic phraseology reveals them as ripe candidates for guilt complexes. Unfortunately, you proceeded to lay just that on them, and on all your other readers, with arguments indistinguishable from those of old ladies who used to warn that masturbation causes baldness.

"It is, right off, a vivid demonstration of your abysmal ignorance to refer to the submissive partner as a "victim" and to assume that it is a "she". Victims are involuntary subjects of criminal acts, not our partners, nor the girlfriend of that inquirer. Your choice of the word indicates that your sources are not intelligent sadists engaged in the serious practice of S&M, but probably perverts who were or should have been in jail.

"As for your assumption that it is the female who appears in the submissive role, anyone who knows anything about S&M is well aware that there are as many relationships with the male submissive as there are with the female submissive. Of course, this is probably incomprehensible to someone with a typical Playboy macho psyche.

"Turning to your so-called factual assertions, the proposition that S&M necessarily involves an impersonal relationship is a patent absurdity. It is actually much more likely that relationships will be superficial among those oriented to your playmate concepts than between those who enter a "master/slave" situation.

"When you equated "slave" and "victim", it was clear that you had perpetrated an obvious mistake, for submission to the role is voluntary. There has not been a legally enforceable slave-master relationship since the Emancipation Proclamation. Just what kind of idiot do you imagine would submit to a stranger's chains for an impersonal round of "slavery"?

"As for the "master," there are two factors leading to closeness with the partner. A psychological aspect involves the notion of the master's owning the slave; this arouses an instinctive proprietary attitude which has him or her bestow on the slave a value and attention your writer probably experiences only when polishing his Mercedes.

"Of heavy practical concern is the fact that the slave is a volunteer. To win that submission certainly takes much more courting and interpersonal rapport than getting some playmate to drop her pants inthe back seat of a car. While ostensibly taking, the master must truly be giving pleasure lest the slave not volunteer next time.

"If a master in fact doesn't ask the if the slave came or if the treatment hurt -- a supposition your writer is arrogantly dogmatic enough to asset as an absolute -- it is because most masters are so intimately aware of their partner's experience that they already well know.

"Also, proposing an inquiry as to whether the procedure hurt is a doltish redundancy anyway: spanking, strapping, and whipping are supposed to hurt. But not grasping this elemental point is an appropriate closing for a piece that never did touch upon the questions with which the inquirer was struggling.

"Finally in this area, you might try to bring yourselves to recognize the distinction between "hurt" and "harm", as well as you seem to understand the difference between marijuana and heroin, and we'll take it from there.

"While the master-slave relationship originates in mutual consent, the terms of the situation immediately strip away that consent -- and with it, all the face-saving devices. There's no feeling your way with inquiries whether your partner would like to do this or that, and there's no excusing yourself for failing to do something because you thought your partner wouldn't want to. You're on your own, friend, and you're destined to open up just as much of yourself as that submissive lying under you.

"Assuming, by now, you understand that S&M is lovemaking and that its goal is, as in any other form of lovemaking, to produce a mutual pleasure, consider how sensitive and sensually artistic the "master" must be to read the "slave" and orchestrate the scene to achieve fulfillment for both. There's nowhere to hide any inner cloddishness from this partner.

"S&M is really no more than exactly what the Playboy Philosophy has been advocating all along, a means for partners to provide one another with mutual pleasure.

FIRE & GOLD

2006-04-06T21:59:00.000-07:00

When I behold a spire
in the moonlight, black and bold,
my heart is dark with fire
and I wear a chain of gold.

This dominant desire
is a dream both young and old,
my heart is dark with fire
and I wear a chain of gold.

In you I praise this higher
power – unto you I’m sold;
my heart is dark with fire
as I bear your chain of gold.

Some legends we admire,
others wait to be foretold.
Together we find fire
in our lives of molten gold.

gem

VOLUNTARY SLAVERY

2006-03-04T15:24:00.000-08:00

The word “slave” is held in high regard in the leather community, even though it means so many different things to many different people. It is generally regarded as a very powerful expression of being submissive.

It is generally understood that a slave in the leather community is someone who has voluntarily consented to play this role with one or more people. It is something the slave wants to do – as opposed to the centuries of involuntary slavery that have been forced on people in the past – and in some countries of the world today.

Those who consider themselves slaves must often integrate themselves with normal society. They may be employed, they may be parents, and they may have other responsibilities which make demands on them – in addition to the person(s) they serve. These people and others may only have limited time to serve as slaves; others may have no other responsibilities and can dedicate themselves more completely to this lifestyle.

Some slaves exist only in the bedroom. Others exist only at home or at safe social functions, while others may be able to be this way wherever they are. Some slaves belong to professional dominants while others belong to people they know personally.

Voluntary slavery is a condition of loyal obedience to one or more people, and it is usually expected to be respectful and unquestioning. Voluntary slavery requires courage to pursue this role in a modern democratic society which scorns its understanding of this pursuit (although the condition of loyal obedience belongs to other parts of society, such as the military and most places of employment). Voluntary slavery also requires a strong person to be obedient to the will of another over their own thoughts or wishes.

There are many kinds of voluntary slaves. They may hope to be of sexual service; however this is not necessarily the case. Some slaves serve only in a ritual “scenes”, while others are expected to perform a number of physical duties such as housecleaning or yard work, etc. Other slaves have a fulltime commitment and choose to be completely dependent on their owners, who may control what they eat, what they wear, what they do, and when they sleep; these slaves may have surrendered all of their money and possessions to their owners who may treat them in any manner the owners wish. They may even be sold to others or abandoned if their owners no longer want them.

If you are someone who wants to be a slave, it is an experience worth exploring. You don’t have to commit to any more service than you desire (no matter what others say). This is your life, and you have the choice how to live it. If you choose voluntary slavery for a few minutes, hours, days, or longer, you will be agreeing to do what someone else desires – but hopefully it is also what you desire!